Page 2: Common Ground
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Answer the two questions below before you start the work on common ground. We will come back to these at the end of this section.
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1) What does finding common ground mean to you?
2) How can this tool assist you in starting a conversation and maintaining a healthy and productive coaching relationship?
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Take a moment to think about a difficult conversation you have had with a friend. Someone you have known for an extended period of time, someone you can relate to, someone you understand. Why was it easy to navigate that tough situation? What made you confident within that conversation? Maybe you weren't confident, but you knew enough about the person to be comfortable. This is where common ground can be an invaluable tool.
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Finding common ground with a potential coachee will allow you to start building those necessary relationships that have to be established in order to start an effective coaching cycle, to have meaningful conversations, and to be able to navigate those tough situations when they arise. According to Knight (2016), "finding common ground is an important habit to adopt so that we can have better conversations" (p. 135).
Common Ground means seeking common denominators, avoiding common dividers, using words that unite, avoiding words that divide, and avoiding toxic connections (Knight, 2015). Throughout this section of the module, we will be delving deep into the five attributes of finding common ground listed above. Knight (2016) states that ‘’when we find common ground, we move beyond our differences, and we communicate that we truly see someone else” (p. 135). You will be asked to reflect upon past conversations that you have had and predict how you can use the methods illustrated below to improve conversations and relationships that will be happening in the future.
Looking at the graphic organizer from Jim Knight’s (2016) Better Conversations, it is clear that there are specific strategies that you can utilize to help you kick start these conversations.
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Strategies to find common ground:
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1. Commit to do it. Plan to look for it. "In every interaction, we should attempt to find common ground, especially with those who are or appear to be different from us" (Knight, 2016, p. 140).
2. Look for commonalities using the I-CARE acronym.
3. Avoid common dividers. All of the common denominators in the I-CARE acronym can also be dividers. "In situations where we have obvious differences, we need to be intentional about seeking common ground" (Knight, 2016, p. 143).
4. Avoid toxic conversations which are easy to get involved in. ​
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Avoid gossip
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Use unifying language
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Do not unite over negativity
Click the image to download a printable poster for reference
The common ground that you use to connect with your potential coachee can be personal or professional. It can be a favorite vacation spot, least favorite food, past teaching positions, or sharing your experiences a challenge you both experience in the classroom. As we begin the journey to finding common ground with others, it may be difficult to identify similarities. Jim Knight (2015) has identified four common perceptual errors that make things harder:
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3. Primacy Effect - As defined by Knight (2016), the primacy effect "occurs when our first experiences with someone bias us in favor of a particular impression of that person" (p. 138). Let's imagine that you agreed to play in a recreational bowling league. Your first night you hit 3 strikes and 3 spares. You know that you just got lucky because gutter balls and pins left standing are your norm. However, because your teammates first experience with you was phenomenal bowling, they brag and tweet about what an amazing asset you are going to be to the league. It doesn't take but a few weeks and lots of gutter balls before your teammates realize that luck was on your side that first game. As Grant-Halvorson (2015) stated, "The primacy effect is almost entirely responsible for the fact that sometimes, we can do no wrong in someone else's eyes, while at other times, we seem to be screwed no matter what we do" (p. 25).
2. Habituation - Habituation is the act of "becoming desensitized to any experience, pleasant or unpleasant, beautiful or ugly" (Knight, 2016, p. 137). At school we are all there for the same reason...to help support students and share in their learning journey. Habituation causes us to forget all that we have in common and we tend to focus on the few differences that "keep us from moving forward in meaningful ways" (Knight, 2016, p. 137).
1. Confirmation Bias - Knight (2016) defines confirmation bias as having "the tendency to seek out support for our own beliefs, this is a major reason people do not see what they hold in common with others" (p. 137). You are focusing on all of your differences while attempting to find someone who shares your exact way of thinking. In reality, you should be focusing on what you have in common. Finding common ground can be easy, but when you are focusing on the differences of the person you are talking to you may fail to notice them.
4. Stereotypes - According to Grant-Halvorson (2015), "stereotypes are beliefs we have about categories of people, and we categorize people in lots of ways: by gender, race, sexual orientation, ethnicity, profession, and socioeconomic class. Some of the beliefs associated with these categories are positive, such as Asians are good at math or firefighters are brave. Others are decidedly less so, such as redheads are hot-tempered, women are weak, and poor people are lazy" (p. 29). Stereotypes prevent us from seeking and finding common ground. It prevents us from seeing the person for who they really are. Knight (2016) stated, "when we truly seek out what we hold in common, we can shatter stereotypes and come to see that the person we had dismissed as a type is actually an awful lot like us" (p. 139).
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After working through this section of the module, look back at your answers to the reflection questions posed at the top of the page.
1) What does finding common ground mean to you?
2) How can this tool assist you in starting a conversation and maintaining a healthy and productive coaching relationship?
Do you need to add or take away anything from your responses?
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Application
Knight (2015) proposes the following question in the Reflection Guide to Better Conversations:
What is one excellent thing about a person you are having a difficult time finding common ground with? When we anchor our perceptions of others on at least one good thing, it’s much easier to move toward unity.
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Finding common ground with a potential coachee can be a simple informal conversation in the hallway. Let's see how Brandi plans on utilizing the tools we've learned about during this model to help her connect with Mrs. Locklear.
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Challenge Connection
BRCF Connection
When looking at the framework for Building Relationships, it’s important to know that you can enter the wheel at any point. Common Ground is just a piece to the puzzle when it comes to building and maintaining strong, healthy, and lasting coaching relationships.
Optional
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Finding Common Ground
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An article written by Jim Knight depicting how important and powerful common ground can be to a relationship. CLICK HERE
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Using the tools created by Knight (2016), please plan time to engage in the activities. They will give you greater insight on how find common ground with a potential coachee.
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Finding Common Ground Looking Back
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Finding Common Ground Looking At -1
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Finding Common Ground Looking At -2
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Finding Common Ground Looking Ahead
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